Just Like a Memory
by Shakuhachi Jade
Summary: So I'm running - running scared because my world is plunged so deep into eternal darkness that not even all the gods of my time could drag me back from it now. What made you think you could Yami? Bakura-centric introspective one-shot. Slight Darkshipping.


[A/N: This was inspired by Claymore and the depths of its awesomeness. (Go watch it now.) I do not own Yugioh or its characters; or the song lyrics, which come from a song by Red called "Shadows." Definitely Bakura-centric. Rated because of the themes (**death, insanity, **possible **suicidal thoughts,** depending on how you read into it). Can be Darkshipping if you squint at the end. Hope you like it; I had fun writing it, what with the whole first-person present tense thing…]

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**~Just Like a Memory~**

_Drowning in anger from all these lies  
I can't pretend everything's alright_

_Please don't let me fall forever  
Can you tell me it's over?_

The rain. I love the rain. When I feel the drops of water pour down on my face from the heavens above, I feel as though I'm at peace, something that has been denied to me my entire life. Peace… Feeling the rain on my skin is peaceful, but only a glimmer compared to the true peace I could never have. What I really long for is always just out of my reach.

"Bakura!" Ryou screams from behind me. "Please! Come back! Don't do this!"

I want to smile at him, but when have I ever smiled sincerely, eh? My smiles are always malevolent – always full of sarcasm and sadistic amusement. I long for real smiles, real amusement, but the world denies me happiness as well. Poor, pitiful me…

It is a sad excuse for an illusion, though. The real Ryou is probably at home celebrating the fact that I'm really gone this time. It's the least I can do for him, considering everything I put him through…

"I have made my decision," I whisper defiantly, "I cannot turn back."

The phantom-Ryou is suddenly gone.

I walk forward, into the storm. The rain beats down harder, soaking the gray colored ground at my feet, my hair, my clothes – an odd assortment of rags and riches, the latter being the red cloak I once wore three thousand years ago. Honestly, it doesn't seem like that long ago.

Ah, but I have done terrible things in _both_ lifetimes…

I'm staring solemnly ahead toward the drab cemetery. It is cold, so cold I can see my breath in front of me in puffs of misty white. As I draw near the gravestones, my rags and my red cloak billow widely in a sudden strong gush of wind. I'm a bit startled by the next ghost.

My mother's voice carries hauntingly to my ears over the noise of the storm. Before, I could never remember exactly what she sounded like; the tone was always fuzzy in my memory. This voice is clear as a whistle, coming from behind me. Quite the convincing illusion, I daresay, and more persuasive than the last one.

"My son," she says, her voice wavering in anguish, "turn around, please, I beg of you! It isn't too late—"

But it _is_ too late for me, mother. I'm no longer a child – no longer the child you knew. I have missed you, but it wouldn't do to have you interfere in my passing here. "I cannot turn back. I have made my decision."

"Bakura!" she weeps, "My Touzouko!"

I walk on. Her cries fade into the night, into the rain and the wind. Water whips at my face, but I trudge on, toward the cemetery…toward my final fate.

"Bakura…" A deep voice resonates around me, penetrating the rush of the wind and the pounding rain. I almost turn around; almost. I catch myself just in time to show off a slightly rueful smirk.

"I should have known," I say, "that only _you_ could give me pause in my final hour. Are you an illusion as well, Atem? Or is it Yami this time? Both of you, perhaps?"

"That is neither here nor there, and you know it. What is the meaning of this behavior, Bakura?"

"Tch," I spit on the ground and grip my clothing tighter to my lithe frame, though it did little to keep the rain from chilling me to the bone. "Wouldn't you like to know? I have no intention of answering to the minions of Hell who try to mock me before my death, nor do I have reason to even acknowledge your presence. If anything, I wish to leave this world quietly, since I cannot do so in peace. I have made my decision; I cannot turn back."

"Stay for just a moment, then, and talk with me… I am not an illusion," he says. I hear his footsteps squish against the saturated, half-dead grass. I can't move; my feet are rooted to that spot, and my shoulders stiffen as he approaches. Should I believe him? Could it really be Yami…?

My judgment must be clouded because of him; of _course_ he's not Yami. That _thing_ is just an illusion, like Ryou and my mother. Everything here is an illusion – all in my mind, right down to the lovely rain that is ever pouring from the sky. He can't possibly be—

"Bakura, listen to me. If you walk through that gate, you will not find the peace you are searching for."

I bark a laugh from deep in my throat. "You think I'm _searching_ for peace?! Don't be a fool! There is no peace for me. There never was, and there never will be; this is all I have left to look forward to!"

"You're wrong. The only thing you're doing right now is running. You're scared, and I can understand that. I'm scared, too. These 'illusions' are from your conscience, but you're too stubborn to even listen to yourself. You are literally scared to death."

"So what in Ra's name made you think I would be more likely to listen to _you_?"

"Because you're less likely to run from me. You've never backed down from a challenge I posed to you before, and I don't expect you will now."

I pause, yet again, for him. A _duel_? Is that the challenge he means…? If so, it would be rather redundant considering how all our other duels ended. My gut is telling me to ignore this imposter and break into a run towards the cemetery. I could make it in just one sprint, easily, but… My mind is curious. It is true that my personality thrives on challenges.

A pale hand lights on my shoulder, and squeezes it reassuringly. "Turn around. That's all there is to it. Just turn around."

Fear. I could feel it taking hold of me as Yami was speaking. Suddenly I realize that he is right, illusion or not – I _am _scared.

I'm scared of death, I'm scared of retribution, I'm scared I can't…can't fix everything I've damaged – my mind, my body, my soul – and I'm downright terrified that if I continue to live, I'll continue to fall, forever. So I _am _running, running scared because my world is plunged into eternal darkness so deep that not even all the gods of my time can drag me back now. Not even you, Yami – Atem, my Pharaoh. What in the seven hells made you think you had the power to?

My heart is pounding in my chest so loudly that I can't hear the rain anymore. All I can hear is his breathing behind me, and that steady tattoo – _tha-thump… tha-thump… tha-thump…_

"I…have made my decision," I whisper, though my voice doesn't reach my own ears, "I cannot turn back." I'm shaking now, but not from the icy cold that settled around us from the storm. I'm still terrified.

"Unfortunately," Yami – no, the illusion of Yami says, "you have found a place to hide that I can neither find you nor bring you back from. If your decision is as final as you say it is, then I must leave you to your decided fate. However, you have yet to step through the gate … Your decision may not be as final as you think, old friend."

Friend? _Friend_!? Was he mocking me? Damn it, I _knew _he had to be an illusion. The minions only want to prolong my suffering, blacken my darkness…and wasn't that exactly what he was doing now?

To be honest, I just want it to end… Make this madness stop… If I walk through that gate into the cemetery, will I be nothing? Will this endless spiral of death and depression cease to exist, or will I? Either would be acceptable…

I put one foot forward, but I can't move; Yami's hand is still on my shoulder, still squeezing it tightly. "So is this your choice?" he says quietly, "Will you not stand up to one final challenge?"

I _want _to accept, I do – but…but the decision is final, I can't—

"Turn around, Bakura."

It isn't a suggestion, this time. It isn't a plea, or a hint, or a scream, or a sob. It is a demand.

"I…" My limbs are frozen, literally and figuratively. I feel so cold… The only warmth on my body is coming from Yami's hand, an iron grip on my shoulder. Chills break out on the back of my neck. I can hear howls from the cemetery now, beckoning me to my end.

"_You're scared Bakura," _they yell and screech,_ "You're scared, you're scared!"_

"_We know you long for the silence! Why do you prolong your suffering, Bakura?!"_

Yami sternly made his demand once again. "Turn around, Bakura."

Silence… I do long for silence, but not the awful kind I was stuck with in the Sennen Ring all those years. I want…normal quiet. I want peace…

"_We'll give you the peace you deserve…"_

"_Peace, peace – nonexistent!" _the voices cackled.

I want what I cannot have. I want not to exist.

"Bakura, I won't tell you again. This is the last time…" He sounds slightly sad, now. It's useless, though. I made my decision already; I can't turn back.

"Just turn around."

I put my other foot forward.

"Turn around, Bakura…"

I take another step. And another. Yami's hand slips away, his voice is ringing in my ears just as loud as the howls of the spirits from the cemetery – something about a challenge and changing bad choices into good ones. Heh, I was a bad decision from the moment I was conceived in my mother's womb. Hopeless from the start.

_Caught in the darkness, I go blind  
But can you help me find my way out?_

…and yet…

Suddenly, I turn on my heel as quickly as I can. My about face brings me eye to eye with Yami, dressed in his hikari's usual navy blue school uniform, equipped with studded belts and buckled neck choker. He smiles at me, the kind of smile that I'd earlier wished I could give – a sincere smile.

The howling spirits swiftly disappear, and so does the cemetery for that matter. The rain is still there – ever pouring from my mind – but I can hear it clearly again, the soft _patter patter_ of thousands of water drops falling from the sky; I can feel them against my face. My heartbeat is regular and my skin is full of warmth and life.

Yami says something then that makes my cheeks burn, but it's a wonderful feeling because of what it is he tells me:

"You have a beautiful smile, Bakura."

I didn't even realize I was… I start to laugh softly.

His voice is laced with mirth as well as he says between chuckles, "You can wake up now, silly thief. But don't forget about that challenge I promised…"

My eyes open. I breathe in the scent of incense, and cigarette smoke…my room, in the living world. I'm lying face down on my bed with my nose shoved into a pillow…

"Bakura-san, it's time for dinner—oh, were you asleep?" Ryou says, poking his head into my room, "Gomen, I didn't mean to—"

"It's all right, Ryou, I wasn't sleeping. I'll be down in a minute."

"Ah, okay."

I breathe in the scent of my room a little deeper. It feels like every nerve in my body is vibrating – like my senses are heightened. I feel…alive.

_Thank you, Yami. Old friend…_

I decide that I can sort out the million things that were obscenely wrong about what just happened later, after dinner. For now, I think I shall practice my smile. I want to witness the look on Ryou's face when he sees it for the first time…

_I am in your debt, Pharaoh, but thank you nonetheless._

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[A/N: Alternate universes, darkshipping, & introspection ftw. Title was taken from a line in an AFI song (bonus points if you can tell me which one). Please review.]


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